When we want to get our ex back, we all tend to think the same kind of things. We’ve got to promise them we’ll change, we’ve got to do some fast talking, we’ve got to apologize fifty times.

Now, how to get your ex back depends on why you broke up. There are three main reasons why relationships end. Your ex probably left you because you wronged them in some way. Something unpleasant happened, like you cheated on them. Or they just got fed up with poor behavior, like arguing or being too controlling. But one of the best ways to get your ex back in many cases is by listening to them talk.

Lets say your ex left you because they felt you were too jealous and controlling. You tried to know where they were at all times, you were jealous whenever they looked at someone else, that kind of thing. What happened is that their heart started to fill up with unpleasant feelings, like anger or hurt that you didn’t trust them. Eventually those feelings replaced their emotions of love and intimacy towards you. Now their heart is hardened towards you with negative feelings.

To get them back, you’ve got to help them to replace the negative emotions with positive ones. You’ve got to help them to release and resolve the negative feelings.

Fortunately, there is a great way to help them to do this. It’s called venting or getting things off one’s chest. You’ve probably done it or helped a friend to do it. After work you have a beer and they tell you all about what their boss is doing that drives them nuts. After venting to you, they feel better.

Letting them get things off their chest is a powerful way to help them to let go of all the bad feelings stored up in their heart. Yes, you will need to apologize. But get them to vent first.

So start by asking them how they feel about whatever you did that had them dump you. Then listen to them. Shut the heck up. Be a good listener. Make them feel heard and understood. Do not try to defend yourself and do not argue with them. Let them talk as much as they want.

If you can get them to vent a time or two, they will then have some room in their heart to feel good about you again. Your apology will likely be much better accepted.

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